After an astounding win in Pennsylvania, President-elect Joe Biden has announced that All-American patriot Gritty will become the head of the United States Department of State in 2021.
The beloved mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers has been seen as a glimmer of hope in the face of a tumultuous political climate since they were thrust into the public eye in 2018.
Gritty’s charisma and chaotic energy won the hearts of millions, making them not only a mascot of the Flyers, but of the resistance. They have made appearances at Black Lives Matter protests, anti-alt right marches, and anti-Trump rallies.
Although a very boisterous public figure and popular leftist meme, little is known about Gritty’s policy, let alone their views on hot-button topics such as drone strikes or US diplomacy. When asked about the direction the Department of State will take under their leadership, future Secretary Gritty replied, “Fuck around and find out.”
HornRimmer 