How To

The “Oh No, It’s Christmas Eve and I Didn’t Plan For This Shit” Gift Guide

With the holidays already here, you’re probably scrambling around trying to find the perfect gifts for everyone on your list. The only problem is… you’re broke as hell, making gift shopping pretty much impossible.

But there is good news! You live in a house. And your house has a bunch of stuff in it! The time is now to look around and find random, half-way decent items to throw in a gift bag and pretend like you picked it out from a store!

Check out this simple list of ideas to turn trash around your house into treasure this holiday season! 

  • Your Whole Entire Junk Drawer
    • Have you been meaning to clean out your junk drawer but were too afraid to do so because responsibility scares you? Why not gift the entire thing away? Just take it out, shake it vigorously so everything gets jumbled, and stick a nice shiny bow on it. Your loved ones will appreciate having a brand new junk drawer of their very own!

  • A Pair of Scissors
    • The most common holiday gifts are always gift cards, jewelry and bath bombs. We’re tired of all the same old crap every year! So go against the fold by giving them a functional gift this time. Your friends will think you’re so edgy. And, seriously, who doesn’t need scissors? And if they cut you a weird look after opening their present, then they’re the weird one! 

  • Vaseline
    • We’ve been in quarantine for almost a whole year, so everyone’s gonna be dry, saggy and chapped somewhere. Show your loved ones you care by giving them the gift of moistness. It may not protect them from Covid, but it’ll protect them from peeling, flaking hell! 

  • A Printed Out Picture of Their Favorite Sad Indie Girl 
    • Phoebe Bridgers? Angel Olsen? Fiona Apple? Your friend loves sad indie artists because sadness is mainstream and that’s actually okay. You can’t afford to buy merch, but you can print out a picture of their favorite artist! It’s a thoughtful gift that will mean the world to your sad little indie friend!

  • Homemade Body Scrub Made from Random Shit in Your Kitchen
    • Put on your chef hat filter and get cookin! This gift is the perfect way to let your friends know that they’re slipping, hygiene wise. Start with the basics: sugar and olive oil. Then add earthly elements like Italian seasoning or crushed up B-12. And if your friends have any allergies, well, that’s super unfortunate. It’s the government’s fault you’re poor.