Roommates Create Legal and Low-Cost IUD’s Out of Pennies

In the wake of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s passing and the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett, two sophomores at the New York University have embraced their entrepreneurial potential, put their #girlboss brains together and come up with a solution to the upcoming reproductive rights crisis. They have created an accessible and affordable IUD out of the humble penny.

“It was a no-brainer, really!” quipped Maggie Schultz, 20, a biology major and improv member. “Nobody uses pennies, and nobody likes pregnancy.”

Her roommate Amy White, 19, concurred. “Copper IUDs are expensive, and will probs be illegal soon now that Notorious RBG is dead, so we came up with a more affordable solution.”

They call it the Pussy Penny. This bargain contraceptive is welded from mostly-sanitized pennies, then inserted into the vaginal canal through a non-medical application. 

Despite the fact that most pennies made after 1983 are mainly zinc with a thin copper coating, Schultz and White claim that their low-cost IUDs are just as effective as medical-grade copper IUDs. The team has opened up shop in their dorm’s communal bathroom, and has already seen an increase in demand.

“Sure, it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world,” mused a pale and sweaty White, who recently inserted her own device. “But it’s better than taking the pill and praying that Barrett doesn’t swoop in and take away your reproductive rights. Plus, it’s not a tampon, so you can’t get toxic shock.”

The death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg and subsequent confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett could lead to the potential repeal of reproductive rights legislation, such as Roe v. Wade. Innovative ideas, such as Schultz and White’s Pussy Penny, are one of the many ways that American women are attempting to maintain a smidgen of bodily autonomy in the face of potential civil collapse.

Way to smash the patriarchy, girls!