AUSTRALIA – In what experts are calling a feat of modern medicine, surgeons at Canberra National Hospital conjoined two 32-year old fraternal twins at the hips. The surgery, which lasted 17 consecutive hours, was performed by a highly specialized team with a background in plastic surgery and fiber art. The doctors removed one kidney from each twin, as well as a gallbladder from the left one, just for fun.
“We were kinda just bored,” said James Bleecker, the left twin as his brother John nodded in agreement, “thought we’d try this out for a bit mate!”
“We had sex together once, it was fine,” said the other twin, “but since I’m married we’re gonna have to make a new arrangement, too many prawns on the barbie.”
This would be the first time in medical history that two people would elect to become conjoined. Both twins had to go through screenings for their physical health as well as their mental health. After the twins were cleared as psychologically sane, the panel of surgeons selected Dr. Harold Flint the lead on this historic endeavor.
“We’re excited to publish the results of our little “experiment” in academic journals across the world! We assumed the Americans did this before us, but turns out we’re the first cunts to try this out!”