Time to break out those flannels, lace up those duck boots, and stock up on pumpkin spice Juul pods: fall is here, fellas! However, autumn can be a treacherous time for a man self-conscious about his masculinity. You’re so down to go apple picking, but admitting you want to will make you less manly. With beautiful weather all around and cold nights perfect for cuddling, you need to remind yourself that you’re still a big burly lumberjack. Here are five few ways to convince your girl to take you apple picking so you don’t have to bring it up yourself!
- Start leaving apples around the apartment. Put some in a bowl, or in your fridge. If this isn’t manly enough; just leave half-eaten apples lying around you savage beast. This will set some reminders for your girl that; hey, apples exist, and are pretty neat.
- Talk about entering an apple pie eating contest. You don’t actually have to enter for fear of an emasculating loss, but brag about how you would devour that pie in three-four bites tops.
- Make fun of everyone on Insta posting their own pictures apple picking. Don’t be too harsh that your girl rules it out entirely, but enough for your girl to float the idea.
- In the bedroom, say that your partner’s breasts are your sweet sweet apples, and that you love sucking on them.
- Find photos of her friends who have gone apple picking on Instagram, and leave that screen open on her phone, subliminal messaging bro, she’ll never know it was you!
And that’s how in five easy steps you can make your girlfriend think that apple picking was her idea.
HornRimmer 