Hasbro Unveils Talking Doll That Lets You Pull HIS Strings, For Once!

Hasbro has unveiled its newest toy, and this one’s geared for adults. No, it’s not that kind of adult toy—it’s Talking Tom, the Nice Guy!

Talking Tom is there for you when your real ex won’t answer you on the grounds of avoiding confrontation and not wanting to hear anything negative about himself. Pull the cord on Talking Tom’s back to hear his catchphrases, which are never quite what you want to hear, but harmless enough that it’d feel disproportionately weird to get mad at him.

Talking Tom also comes with soft, swoopy, overdone hair that can be customized upon order; a removable mustache for his hipster phase; and a series of ironic t-shirts for you to either chuckle or roll your eyes at.

Catchphrases include:

“I don’t remember making you feel bad, but if I did, I’m sorry that you think so, even though it wasn’t on purpose.”

“Why are you bringing up something that’s bothering you? Haven’t you tried just moving on?”

“Whoa, the way you’re calling out my terrible communication skills is making me feel uncomfortable!”

“I can’t believe you’re reacting poorly to the way I’ve been ghosting you. Aren’t we friends?”

Talking Tom™: Pull his string, and he’ll string you along!™