Piece of Bacon Stuck Between Your Teeth Won’t Shut Up About Impending Doom

You were happily chowing down on a bacon, egg and cheese this morning when a small piece of bacon lodged itself in between your back molars. You tried shoving your tongue at it to get it out but it just won’t budge! 

Sucks for you because this piece of bacon turned out to be a massive chatterbox and it won’t shut up how doomed we all are. You’re just trying to get through the work day but it keeps interrupting your train of thought with lamenting soliloquies about the hopeless state of the world. 

Drought-induced famine! Escalating tensions between the rich and the poor! Unconscious bias that disadvantages women of color! It’s been fifteen fucking minutes and you’ve heard it all! Now you’re in a shitty mood feeling depressed about how everything sucks and it’s not even 10 o’clock yet. How are you going to make it to 5? Anyone have a toothpick?