Your favorite dessert says a lot about your favorite type of woman. Whether those baked treats are dropped off by your wonderful mother (whom no woman will ever compare to) or by one of your hot FWB that you haven’t seen since social distancing began, there is probably one particular snack that drives you absolutely crazy.
- Banana Bread
If you like banana bread then you like the girl that got really hot all of a sudden and doesn’t know what to do with all the newfound attention. She still has a hard time believing in her own glow up and puts up with way too much of your shit. Since you started dating, every time you post pics of yourself with her, people keep commenting on how impressed they are. You know that a hot girl with a low self-esteem is God’s gift to men, just like banana bread.
- Mini Vegan Muffins
Do you love popping these mini vegan muffins into your mouth? Then you might find yourself just as addicted to this bendy little hippy as you are to your pre-workout. Her earthy approach to healthy eating compliments your gym bro lifestyle. Both of you know that your bodies are your temple, and this babe avoids harmful chemicals like birth control. Keep her around because all those years doing hot yoga will give her the inner peace to weather your roid-induced rage storms.
- Apple Pie
An apple pie lover is a guy that loves the all-American girl next door. This little blonde can have a sweet or tart personality and that means you’ll never get bored. This relationship is going to require you to put in a lot of effort but you don’t mind because your favorite movie is American Pie and you know third base with this girl will always feel warm and gooey. This girl will either be the best thing you’ve ever had or a total disaster, just like homemade apple pie.
- Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
If your go-to dessert is the oatmeal raisin cookie then your go-to girl is that cute but not super hot tinder match whose house you always end up at. You’d never actually tell your friends that you like her because she’s definitely not cool enough. But, you like to keep her around for when yet another existential crisis hits you as you lay on your mattress on the floor of your unfurnished bachelor pad. This relationship makes you a little nostalgic and that’s why you like her as much as the oatmeal raisin cookies you grew up with.
- Chocolate Chip Cookies
This seemingly simple dessert is the woman who’s a sweetheart on the streets and kinky in the sheets. The kind of girl that’ll make you realize how much being called daddy turns you on. Your mother raised you to be a good little Catholic boy and nothing makes you harder than guilt. God loves those who spread his message and you love her for proclaiming the good word every night when she screams “OH MY GOD!” Remember that temptation can be forgiven and allow yourself to indulge in some chocolate chip cookies.
HornRimmer 