Nutrisystem for Men Discovered to Just be Rebranded Women’s Diet Food

In a revelation that shook him to his core, noted man Phil Anderor, 36 of Evanston, Illinois, discovered his Nutrisystem for Men diet meals were actually just rebranded diet food for women. In a display of passionate masculinity, Phil immediately took to Facebook to vent, 

“You’re fucking telling me that Nutrisystem thinks I’m going to eat women’s food? They want me to have lasagna for women? Are they fucking joking? Don’t they know I’m a man? I don’t fucking eat women’s lasagna, I eat men’s lasagna. For men, with a penis!”

HornRimmer researchers have determined the two meals to be identical. Both contain 250 calories and 9 grams of fat per serving and both feature the exact same ingredients list. They were unable to determine how Nutrisystem gendered the food in the first place.