Tired of feeling like everyone has some cause or another and you’re left out because you don’t save dolphins or donate to starving labradoodles? Well now is your time to shine! With everyone trapped at home there have never been so many people aimlessly scrolling social media. We at HornRimmer realize there has never been a better opportunity to force your causes onto your friends and family. Here’s how to show the world (and more specifically, the ladies) that you care!
Step One: Pick a Cause
Unsurprisingly, this is actually the first step. Find a cause that you support, something you can really see yourself getting behind. Will you fight the scourge that is single-use plastic? What about fighting for the rights of your fellow man? Perhaps you’ll throw your clout behind something really important, like calling out a YouTube channel that steals content from smaller channels. No matter how small a problem is, you should invest 100% of your energy into it to make a difference.
Step Two: Superficial Research
Now, you need to learn about your cause. Read an article or two. Nothing crazy, no one is expecting you to become a subject matter expert! Don’t bother reading academic journals, or even the Washington Post or New York Times. They are way too wordy and complicated. What you need to read is a good Huffington Post opinion piece. Or a twitter thread by a guy whose profile picture is an American flag. If reading is not your thing, we recommend 5-minute Youtube vlogs.
Step Three: Announce Your Presence
Now you’re ready! You’ve got your cause and you’ve watched a YouTube video on it! Hell, you even went above and beyond and read the Reddit post that the YouTube video used as a source. You’ve got your cause AND you know this topic inside and out. It’s time to let the world know. Open up Facebook and write a status, share a tweet, post that YouTube video. Sign a petition. Text your friends and explain to them how important your cause is. Send that petition to them! The key right now is to not let anyone stop you. Delete ANY comments that suggest your cause is meaningless; they know nothing! Everyone should know by now that you’re a crusader! Especially that cute girl in accounts payable.
Step Four: Finish Up
You’ve done it! By now you’re already being lauded as a hero. You have convictions, you have morals. Pop open a LaCroix, throw that plastic six-pack ring in the trash and have a yogurt or two. You’ve helped stop the scourge that is single-use plastic. Now you can go on a hike and enjoy the beauty of mother nature that you helped save. Just don’t forget your Poland Spring!
HornRimmer 