Well, Actually

I Ordered a 100 Pound Boulder So My Local UPS Man Would Have to Deliver It Like Sisyphus

I’m ordering a 100 pound boulder that my UPS man has to drag uphill because he is a fucking dickwad. I’m doing this because I recently ordered a new bathrobe, monogrammed with my initials, because I’m a classy gentleman with refined tastes. I waited patiently for three days for it to be delivered and finally, I was told it was at my front door. But no, it wasn’t. This motherfucker swindled me! I even checked my doorbell camera and there was no sign of movement at all! Punishment was necessary.

I live at the top of a long hill, and it gets quite icy in the winter, so to punish my local UPS man, I went on Amazon and ordered a contractor’s pallet of Butler Arts’ 6’’ to 10’’ Gray Granite Landscaping Cobble. One of these babies weighs in at 2500 lbs. And this motherfucker will have to push it up my driveway like fucking Sisyphus. He’s going to fucking learn to mess with me. Let’s see him leave that at my front door.

I’ll gladly be waiting for my delivery, wearing my new, plush, monogrammed robe that was sitting on my porch a day late.