Culture

French Guy Pretty “Eh” About Being Murdered

Marcel Toussaint doesn’t understand why he’s about to be killed, but he’s pretty fine with it. “It was bound to happen,” he says as a gun is pointed at him, “but such is life.” 

Marcel, a tech worker is who is about to fall victim to a random act of gun violence, is slightly bored with the situation. “I assumed it would be more exciting,” he said, “a gunshot is so gauche. If only he would actually kill me with his hands instead of hiding behind a gun like an American.” 

When asked to comment, the killer said, “Oh, I didn’t know he felt that way. I can be more accommodating if that’s what he’d like.” 

“Oh please,” interjected Marcel, “that would be très magnifique. I will struggle a little, but just ignore that” 

“Thank you, I haven’t killed someone like that in years,” said the killer, “Oh, just like old times. Honestly, I haven’t like that the industry has moved to. I miss a classic strangulation or stabbing.” 

“Oui, oui. Let’s get to it,” said Marcel, who died moments later.