“That book could’ve been 200 pages shorter,” Says Guy Who Read His First Book In 3 Years

John Cunningham allegedly hasn’t read a book in three years and had the audacity to say that it could’ve been 200 pages shorter. This report comes after John had been just watching Sideways over and over again for the last week. 

“I just think it was a little long,” said John, who watched the entirety of Breaking Bad twice without complaining. John also hasn’t been checking his phone and reportedly has left 12 friends on read at the moment. 

”He doesn’t do shit, ” says Carl Crawford, a friend and neighbor of John. ”I saw him open and close his curtain three times yesterday. He has plenty of time to read two hundred more pages.” 

John, who has no right to say anything because the last book he read was The Da Vinci Code, also had some thoughts on the leads’ characterization. 

“Could’ve been a little more subtle,” said John as he pulled his mask below his nose. Maybe you missed the subtlety in the 200 hundred pages you eschewed so vehemently. 

John has reportedly taken American Dirt out of the library as his next read; he hears it’s “very good.”