Culture Well, Actually

Uh-Oh! Reality Getting Too Dark To Write Satire About!

Between RBG’s passing, environmental disasters in the west, forced hysterectomies in American concentration camps, the ongoing global pandemic, uncertainty surrounding the upcoming election, and the generally terrible state of all things, things are, to put it lightly, bleak.

And certainly, no one is bearing the brunt of these crises more than America’s suffering online satire writers.

“It’s brutal,” says one of our contributing writers, wiping away beads of sweat. “I started one article that was like, ‘Ranking the Hotness of the California Wildfires,’ which is a little soon, but funny, right? I got through about five minutes of research before I realized I was just clicking through one horrific image after another and saying ‘oh shit’ to myself over and over.”

(When asked if the California fires joke was insensitive, the writer simply shrugged and said “New York is better anyway.”)

Jerry Smith, our goth writer, has fallen on hard times too. With no shitty basement shows to ridicule, Jerry has been resigned to churning out listicles like we’re BuzzFeed in 2013. 

When reached for comment, Smith just said, “Man…” while shaking his head.

Even Jane Withers, our most reliable source of satire for over four months, is starting to fry. As she put it, “All I do is alternate between formulating a headline about men preferring forced hysterectomies over wearing condoms, and trying to not want to straight-up die.”

If you’d like to contribute to the HornRimmer despite the darkness of this neverending reality, contact us via email or DM us on social media.