Politics

Four Creative Ways to Compromise Your Morals This Election

Horn Rimmerby

The 2020 election is surely one for the history books! Voters will have two extremely polarizing choices for President and Vice President. The decision on who to vote for will be easy for some, and morally conflicting for others. No matter who you end up voting for, you will vote against some of your values, since neither candidate is perfect and righteous. Here’s some tips for dealing with the inevitable compromising of your values and ideals this November!

  1. Vote For the Cop (You Have No Choice!)

You may feel sick to your stomach about voting Blue this 2020, knowing Kamala’s passion for jailing parents when their kids miss school and her wishy-washy stance on the death penalty. Want to help? Support your local library! You may not be able to save the lives she’s already ruined, but you can make your public library the sickest, raddest, most well-funded bastion of community resources ever! 

  1. Go to the Polls and Apologize to Grandma Later 

Trump thinks he can rig the election by destroying the USPS? Think again! You’re young, able-bodied and healthy so you can still go to the polls. That’s one less ballot the USPS will have to handle. Yay! You might get COVID though…and you could transmit it to Grandma when you visit her later. She’ll appreciate a nice handwritten letter expressing how sorry you are that she’s contracted Coronavirus. 

  1. Avoiding Facebook Arguments? It Can Be Done! 

It’s gonna take all of your willpower to not argue with racist relatives and Russian troll farms online. Your clapbacks and owns aren’t gonna work on them, so quit trying to change the hearts and minds of Middle America. Try journaling! Journaling will help you sort out your feelings and can act as a medium for alleviating tension and stress. 

  1. Call Out Sexual Harassment Claims But Vote For Them Anyway

As a male feminist, you are automatically programmed to cancel anyone who’s been accused of sexually harassing others, even if they haven’t done anything. But you can’t cancel anyone this election, sorry! Did you want to place the crown on Trump’s tiny little head again? No? Didn’t think so. So go ahead and vote for Biden. He’s so close to sniffing victory!