News Politics

Man Stuns Judges With Elaborate Mental Gymnastics Routine Defending Police Brutality

Nadia Comăneci, Simone Biles, Nastia Liukin…Lee Jackson? Mr. Jackson, 37, of Melbourne, FL entered the upper echelons of gymnastics royalty late Tuesday evening when he got into a heated Twitter spat over police brutality.  

Paying homage to his forebears, Jackson started his routine with a classic defense of horrific police brutality, “Why won’t the protesters just obey the cop’s orders?” Noticing a panel of unimpressed judges, Jackson knew he had to go bigger, more extravagant. One quick flick of his wrists and Lee tweeted off, “These Antifa thugs are a bunch of looters, and absolutely deserve to be tear-gassed.” With his pro-fascist positioning beginning to show, Jackson felt a surge of energy. 

For a brief moment, it looked like Jackson would fall from his precarious position of social power. A video of police attempting to run over protestors with their cars had been replied to and two words appeared on his screen, “Justify this.” Lee Jackson stumbled, the judges looked on, waiting for his next move. With aplomb, he countered, “What did those protestors do before the video starts rolling?”

Victory! Jackson dismounted to applause from all the proud boys in the crowd and a standing ovation from the judges. A perfect 10: he’s a Nazi!