Look out world! Local straight man, Kent Vaccaro, finally got around to getting rid of the two cardboard boxes he stacked on top of each other, complete with a towel thrown on top in an attempt to class it up, with a REAL WOODEN coffee table! Despite living in the apartment for over six months, making a decent salary, and spending weekends mostly just binging murder documentaries, this single straight man had never gotten around to getting any sort of coffee table for his apartment.
“I always thought ‘A coffee table? In this economy?!’ But I guess it really is a coffee table in this economy,” he mused.
The new coffee table features classic faux IKEA wood and a special spot for the giant Ulysses S. Grant biography that he’ll never read, but makes visitors think he’s smart.
He requested that the public, especially Architectural Digest, not visit his apartment to see the epic new piece of furniture because of the COVID-19 pandemic.