Dating How To

You’ve Tapped It, You’ve Hit It, But Have You Tried Listening to That Pussy?

Next time you’re about to have sexy time with your lady, don’t pull out your engorged penis just yet! Spread her legs nice and wide, position your head in between, and place your ear next to her pussy so you can listen to it. You’ve tapped that pussy, you’ve hit that pussy, but today we’re going to learn how to let that pussy speak for itself.

Take in the sounds, the murmurs. It may have left you a little handwritten love note, or want to whisper to you a favorite poem. The vagina is meant to be worshipped, and listening to it shows respect.

If she asks you what you’re doing, engage in conversation but don’t speak too much; remember, you’re listening. Each vagina has a different love language. Some prefer Acts of Service, others enjoy Gifts and Offerings. If the vagina’s love language is Words of Affirmation, you could say “wow, that is a good point you make about the Russo-Japanese war,” or “You’re right, buying locally produced honey does help your allergies.”

If the vagina engages you in political discourse, let the vagina know that you don’t support taking away their rights, unless they are into it and you have active and enthusiastic consent. You have to ask to enter the vagina, and they might say no to you. That’s okay! Listening is a reward in and of itself.

All this time your lady may be looking at you like you’re insane. She may not understand, but the vagina will. At this point, pull her pants back up and go to bed. You’ve earned a long, meditative rest.