I thought having a baby would turn me into a hot dad; it’s only turned me into a hot mess. Four months ago, my life changed forever. At 11:32 in the morning, my wife gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy we named Cale. Immediately after the delivery, my wife lost 7 pounds, 13 ounces, and in the following weeks, she was able to start exercising again. Plus, her cravings for chocolate-covered cheese stopped, and her weight slowly began to drop.
On the other hand, ever since Cale came into our world, I’ve been putting on weight at a worrying rate. Before Cale came around, I was 6’1’’ and weighed 190 lbs. In the four months since I’ve ballooned to 250 lbs. My child has ruined my body. I used to be a God with lats like a bat and lickable abs. My wife wouldn’t even let me leave the house alone because she was worried women would stare at my Adonis physique. I’d wake up, shave and go to work looking like a million bucks.
Now that Cale is here, I look like a monster. I lose my breath walking up the stairs. I shave once a week if I’m lucky. I haven’t slept more than a handful of hours in months, and my hair is starting to look like the before pictures of a Rogaine commercial. He has completely turned my world upside down. All I do now is eat ice-cream and frown. 😦
HornRimmer 