Culture News

Colleges Plan to Host Physical Classes for Two Weeks to Justify Full Tuition

USA – Coronavirus has left many college students and faculty anxious about the state of higher education this upcoming fall. After several months of vague answers or pure silence since campuses were evacuated last term, colleges across the nation are beginning to announce their plans for what classes will look like next semester.

Many schools plan to conduct the first two weeks of classes in person. This is to allow thousands of students to move in, interact with each other, and slump through syllabus week before being kicked off campus and going back to remote instruction again. Additionally, most universities have declined any form of tuition drop despite the campus being virtually unused for 80% of the semester.

At Mountain Institute of Technology, one of the many colleges that released this plan, students have been taking the past week to process this latest information. When reaching out to University President Jean Barkey on how this decision came to be, he replied, “This decision was a tough one, but after conferring with the board, we had to balance our students’ education and health, and our bank accounts. Tuition is what funds this university, and it’s how we afford many new and exciting projects such as the expansion of our board meeting room and our athletic facilities.”

When further pressed on the decision to not lower tuition despite most of the semester being remote, Barkey responded, “Look. We’re allowing our students to experience the rush of move-in one day with thousands of other students, let them to go to their classes, and move out. We’re providing them a full but condensed college experience. If anything, we should be charging more!”

Another member of MIT’s administration also reiterated the sentiment, “We’re doing our utmost best to provide the highest quality of education for all our students, whether that student is in our physical classrooms or back home in their underwear. There is definitely no difference between the two.”

No plans have been announced yet for the spring semester, but sources say students and faculty can expect more of the same bullshit.