Culture Well, Actually

Statistically Speaking, Women are Correctly Represented at Award Shows

Well, actually, if you look at the graph below of how many women are even in the film industry, it makes sense that there were no women directors nominated this awards season. 

Our team of investigative journalists has been hard at work researching the number of female directors in the film industry. Each has gone to exactly three movies a week at the local AMC theater and not once have they seen a female-directed movie.* Our intern, Jeff, did mention that he saw an advertisement for something called A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood and that it featured a woman director, but since it was showing in the back theater (Number 11) right by the bathrooms no one wanted to see it, so we didn’t count it. Honestly, the outrage about the lack of female representation is just ridiculous. Female directors just don’t exist, okay? 

The ever trustworthy, academically accurate IMDb (Internet Movie Database) was consulted and through an in-depth gloss over of some stats, it seems only 15% of the world’s directors are women. Wikipedia also confirms this. When we typed in “director,” an overwhelming 73% of the results were male names. Besides, if there were more female directors what would the men do? Be the husband of a director? Have their existences dwindled down to their romantic attachment to the lead? That’s simply absurd. Things are fine just the way they are. 

*Editor’s Note: Little Women was being shown at the Regal Cinemas one town over but due to snack restrictions and their authoritarian drink refill policy, HornRimmer has elected to not patronize this corporation.